I am in pain. I am being conflicted with the endless feeling of emptiness in my heart and I am also in dispute with the little whispers at the back of my mind reminding me that I am ORDINARY.
Everyday, when I wake up, I automatically become sad. I am sad not because I am living in a poor or difficult life but because I am living in a life without any real purpose and this scares me more than anything in the world.
I am scared of living just to be alive. In other words, living in a simple life.
Yes, I admit it. I am afraid of being normal like many other people (no offence). It is not that being normal is bad but I do believe that life is more than just about finishing school, having a little bit of fun, getting a good paying job, getting married and then die. Wow! That is a great to describe life, isn’t it? But you can’t deny that it is not true either.
Of course, I am aware of the other little things that add spices to the cycle of life but I am too crazy or stupid to be content with that pattern. I am not ready to be like others. I am not ready to get married and start a family like my mother has suggested (more like forced). However, my problem is not just about not being ready, it is about not knowing what to do other than following that.
The Passion Problem
‘Do what you love’
‘Always follow your passion’
‘There is one that thing that you are meant to be born to do’
Those are what every one of my role models have taught me and I believe I was mentally dying everyday because of them.
The truth is I don’t know what my passion is. I don’t know why I am alive or what my calling is. And I don’t know how to get it either.
I have read many articles and books, studying about how to identify your true calling or your passion but nothing helped. I am still completely lost.
However, during that grueling process, at one time, I took a step back and looked again with my exhausting eyes to those who had claimed to have found their passions. I looked at them now not with my normal sparkling eyes but with the tired and skeptical spectacles. And this time I saw it. Those people had the same problem, whether they knew it or not.
Passions are lost and found
Let’s look at Steve Jobs (he is my biggest inspiration). He was an adopted child with issues. He was lost as well although not in the same way. I said that he was lost because he also did not know what his passion was back then when he was in university or even after he dropped out and went to India. He didn’t know that his calling is to revolutionize the whole mobile, music and personal computer industries. He did not know that he was meant to create iPhones or Macbook and so am I.
So are you.
Our passions are meant to be lost first before it can be found. We are meant to be the crazy kids running around looking for our true calling first before we can start reaching out for that god given potentials.
But here is another problem. The problem is that the journey is often too bumpy that not everyone can endure through it. I know that you have heard about this too much that it doesn’t have the same effects as it used to be. I know you have seen all the ‘never give up’ or ‘keep going’ signs or posters everywhere slapping right across your face every single day that now it doesn’t hurt anymore!
The point is that we are so accustomed to giving up that nothing can motivate us anymore. It is hard to keep on walking on an unknown journey when there is a nice comfy place for you to settle. It is hard to keep on searching while knowing the risk that it might be worthless, that you might find nothing at the end. But here is the thing. I am not hear to slap another theory across your face. I am here to say that we all are on the same boat and there will be the final destiny.
What I have learned from reading and watching all of those successful people who have already found their passions and have even achieved their goals is that it might take time but you will find it if you keep on trying.
There are no unsuccessful stories in wasting time finding your passions but only the stories of those who have given up.
At the end of the day it is your choice really. Passion or no passion. We can all find our happiness in our own way but don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to enjoy this painful joyride?
Thank you for reading.